I’ve neglected this. There’s been a lot going on! I came out as Trans*, now go by “She” pronouns, and am purusing transition – not from one to another of a closed set of two genders, but simply from (what was put on me by a limited environment) into (Me through and through) – with the help of contemporary technology and a whole mess of Witchery! Thoughout history there have always been a plethora of genders. Only in Post-Imperial Post-War Reconstructionism to do we find ourselves throttled down into psychosexual sardines. I don’t buy the charade. I and maybe-Yes-you-too are a magical creature incarnated specifically into this place and time to learn and practice something truly divine. The trick is remembering through the doing. I’ve been doing a lot of that!
SO on this day of turkey and indigenous post-massacre, let’s set those issues aside and contemplate Gratitude – a truly divine nectar from which we fail to drink from far too often. Meditating on Gratitude is the only way I know how to process crossing a Finish Line. You can work and steamroll and conquer and knit-brow yourself silly 365 days a year and never ever ever get to the good stuff you’re pursuing without Gratitude. What do I honor and love – truly? (Especially the things you’re embarrased to appreciate!)
I’m extremely thankful for the people around me who CELEBRATE my Happiness. Growing up under a rock in Texas, I never could have imagined the life I now live where I am surrounded by people who value my truth and fight to protect it. I am truly blessed. I’m thankful for the door-openers to my pleasant and prosperous success. I’m thankful for the encouragers. I’m thankful for the happy hiding places for when I’m scared. I’m thankful for those who were even more excited about my living out loud then I was – because they helped me REMEMBER how to be excited about anything! They helped me heal.
I’m thankful for those that called me names, made me feel unsafe, objectified my body, and made me feel Othered. I’m thankful for those who led me to believe that if I explored different worldviews that I would be miserable and lost forever. I’m thankful for those who mocked me and tried to cut me down for being happy. I’m thankful for those who loved being miserable so so so much that my happiness was a threat to their very lives in their mind. I’m thankful for those who backed me into a corner trying to control me and break my mind to comfort their fragile souls. I’m thankful for those who projected their fears and multi-generational lies onto me.
I’m thankful for them because without them I would never have known how truly powerful, beautiful, caring, nurturing, strong, wild, RESILIENT, emancipating, beautiful, loved, sane, vibrant, and healthy I truly am. I would never have valued my loved ones as much as I do. I would never have maximized my sovereignty and power as much as I have. I would never have written my thoughts down. I would never have learned how to say, “NO!” I would never have decided what I want. I would never have found my medicine. I would never have learned how to stand and reflect truth to my friends when they need real talk to steady their mind and heart. I would never have learned to walk mightily enthroned in the chariot of my fiery spirit. I would never have learned how to stand in Love amidst fear that was choking the passion out of my friends. I would never have learned how to exorcise the cutting blades that have crippled us en masse into wearing normalized insane culturalisms with shaky pride.
Without feeling hate, I would never now what LOVE truly feels like – the kind that brings you to your knees weeping like there are hurricanes of passion rippling through your torso that make your eyes rain the torrents of the broken rainforest. I earned my ability to Love and now I am enthroned by Love, by Goddess, by Healing, by Holy Light and Holy Darkness, by Primal Orgasmic Pride that sends shockwaves of celebration down a nine-block radius of each footstep I take. Because of the haters and the lovers in my past, I stand tall and radiate the Light I have found in the Darkness. By seeing all, I can now have compassion for those blindly running through this world with hate, because I know where they are hurting. I know their pain and I send them love that they be broken, nourished, healed, and released into genuine liberty that emancipates all from their very DNA strands.
I’m thankful for the honesty in my life. I have friends who will truly tell me how they feel, not to change me, but to love me. I am armored by holy vulnerability. It is the greatest protection I have ever known. It is a true mystery, but if you can find the protection of holy vulnerability, the world you enter will send you into fits of awe. There is no turning back.
Meditate on your relationship with Gratitude today. It stretches you open to receive more greatness, Love, Healing, and nourishment. Blessings from the Goddess who knows you more than you can ever know yourself – and Loves you because of it.
Siúil a Rún.